Unfortunately, racism is still alive, but Matthew Jenkins has a few ways around it: naming your kid “Case Dismissed;" going to the state penitentiary for a degree; and reversing Simba's fatherless childhood.
According to Eric Lyden, all it takes to be a comedian is not being able to do anything else. Regardless, having alternative uses for cork screws, shove-it speeches, and white noise machines can't hurt.
According to David Goldstein, the only hard part of being full of crap is deciding which direction you'll take it. Any day with a glue gun is a good day, only plumbers and Americans wear pants to spas, and good looks coincide with temperature change.